Many parents who visit our independent private school for boys have a common concern: that their son will be too coddled in a private school environment. He’ll be treated too preciously; he’ll be sheltered from the realities of the outside world; he’ll emerge from school lacking in real-world, practical experiences.
Movies and TV shows often portray a sheltered, “silver spoon” image of private school life, but this is inaccurate. At a strong private school, your son will be prepared to face the outside world with confidence and resilience as well as, or better than, at any public school.
If most parents don’t ask this exact question on our campus tours, they’re wondering it – even if they don’t know it. From challenge—and failure—comes learning, and parents are worried that at private school, their sons won’t encounter enough challenges to learn.
In fact, the opposite is often true at a private school for boys.
Here at Fessenden (and at many other private schools) there is a breadth of opportunities available to students. These translate into a wide range of areas in which boys can be challenged, succeed, have setbacks, and learn. Whether it’s trying out for the varsity hockey team, or signing up for a Mandarin class, boys here have a host of potentially challenging opportunities.
And guess what—not all boys make the varsity team, and not all boys excel at Mandarin. But that’s where the real opportunity for growth comes. Some of the most enthusiastic and talented boys on our wrestling team wouldn’t have even considered trying it if they hadn’t been cut from another team’s roster.
The relationships that form between faculty and students at a private school for boys are unique. They have nothing to do with being coddled and everything to do with the teachers’ commitment to their students.
We’ve coined the term “respectful playfulness” to describe the interaction between the students and teachers in our middle school and upper school programs. At Fessenden teachers often have lunch and casual conversations with students, which helps them get to know each other as human beings. To our students, no math teacher is “just a math teacher.” And, to our teachers, no boy is just here to learn how to calculate the square root of thirty-six.
This relationship makes the boys feel comfortable, confident, and engaged in their learning. Secure in their relationships with their teachers, boys will take on challenges they would have otherwise avoided.
Our Head of School, Steve Armstrong, says this about how our teachers challenge and nurture their students: “They raise the bar with one hand and lift you up with the other.”
This sentiment illustrates the difference between the coddling you might expect at a private school for boys and the balanced support they will actually receive. Teachers encourage boys to reach a little higher and try a little harder, knowing that they might not always succeed, but certain they will be a better person for having tried.
At private schools like Fessenden, hard work is a core value that is intentionally taught and reinforced. None of our boys are coddled but all of them are supported.
Choosing the right school means finding an environment that challenges and supports your son at the same time. At The Fessenden School, boys are encouraged to take risks, learn from setbacks, and develop the resilience they need for life beyond the classroom.
Learn more about Fessenden’s middle school program for boys by scheduling a campus visit or exploring our admissions resources.